Return to Roots: remembering those who made us who we are today

An invitation to recognise the strengths we carry, shaped by both love and challenge.

Not long ago, I heard something in a podcast that struck me. Nowadays, with therapy culture so big and its acronyms and terms so widely spread, we are very quick to attribute blame or trace trauma to our parents and caregivers. I'm absolutely certain we are right to do so in many cases. One thing that we don't do as quickly, though, is thank our caregivers for what's going right. The great skills and strengths we possess, we tend to believe are our own doing. Once again, I'm certain that's absolutely true in many cases. But could there be great qualities we've developed not only because of what they gave us, but also because of where they fell short?

This is not a far-fetched idea and is probably something you've heard of before, but how often are we in the practice of actually voicing it? Of saying, "I'm an honest person and I'm really proud of myself for that. And it's actually because when I was younger, the people around me were not honest." I'm not saying that we should flip every negative on its side and gaslight ourselves into thinking the past wasn't so bad. I'm not saying either that we should only look for the good that's come from negative events. We can also voice it when we did something good because our carers taught us well. What I'm saying is that what we've inherited from those who came before us might not always be ideal, but we can try to make the best of it. And when we do, we might even be thankful for it.

We all have complex roots.

I can take myself as an example. I've witnessed and experienced being around a caregiver who really struggled, and it was not easy to be a child in that situation. I could say my life, and how I move through it, would be a lot easier now if many things that happened in the past didn't. But another thing I also witnessed was a caregiver who never gave up and was resourceful as hell. I consider myself to be a very resourceful person now, and when I think about it, there's a good reason to believe that it is due to my upbringing. When life is hard, it really and truly sucks. But we also learn how to deal with hard things, which is half of life: it's beautiful and brutal.

Our next event: "ORIGINS" (20th Feb)

In many indigenous cultures, honouring ancestors is central to their way of living and thinking. When I was travelling around Colombia, I stayed in communities in which members of indigenous tribes would come and share stories and myths from their village, and no story was ever told without linking it back to those who came before them. Their ancestors lived right there with them at all times and could be called upon for support.

This is not something I've witnessed in London. Granted, we all come from different backgrounds and have our own cultures, religions and beliefs. But in the generally secular way that many of us live, we often bring up our ancestors more quickly to name what went wrong than to acknowledge what went right.

Origins is an invitation to honour and thank those who came before us by remembering them, perhaps not through stories, but by reflecting on the good we have inherited from them. The lessons they taught us directly (when they taught us how to stand up for ourselves) and the lessons they taught us indirectly (when they were resilient in a situation that, in hindsight, must have been really, really hard).

We hope you can join us. If you can, we invite you to have a think before the dance about a person or people who have shaped you into the person you are today, who have helped you on your journey in their own (sometimes flawed) way. By doing so, we will return to our roots and give thanks, and it is through this remembering that we draw strength to move forward with our plans and intentions.

If you can't make it this time, my hope is this post has got you wondering about the ways in which you've been positively impacted by the past. Perhaps when you're really proud of yourself for how you were in a situation, you might think about who in your family would have behaved in the same way and send them a silent thanks.

Find out more about the event and buy tickets here.

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Wishing you a beautiful "little month" (what the Welsh call February!) 💜

With love,

Yasmin & the Ecstatica Team